French Elections

By Lester S. <maxim@netcom.com>, 27 May 1997

After having been repeatedly informed that virtually no one outside of his immediate family had voted for him, a shocked Prime Minister Alain Juppe, has announced plans to step down. This reminded one observer of the fellow who broke up with his girlfriend after she told him she would not see him any more.

Neofeudalist Juppe attempted to institute policies which would have Americanized the French economy, calling for the French to accept shorter vacations, fewer holidays, tax breaks for employers only, privatization, less health security, more privatization, reduced education subsidies, and pushing the retirement age toward the American model of work until you are useless to us, and then get a shopping cart.

Je ne comprends pas. Juppe said, after seeing the numbers for the fifth time. Les ouvriers Americains ont accepte cette merde comme les moutons aveugle, ou, peut-etre, les lemmings. Pourquoi pas les Francais?

Many rightists were confounded by the early elections, which were held ten months sooner than necessary, and without the customary benefit of a hastily manufactured war crisis. Juppe explained that ten months from now, things would only be worse.

Confronted with the Hobson's choice offered to workers everywhere—Which do you prefer, more jobs, or good jobs?—the French workers have demanded and voted for more good jobs, a possibility that American businessmen hope will not filter into the consciousness of American workers before the final stages of Project Lobotomy, have been implemented.

To further the goal of eradicating all semblance of critical thinking before the year 2000, the firebrand American free press and radio has been interpreting the French vote to mean that the French are sullen and immature and have rejected Juppe's Contract on France for personal reasons, while actually craving the American dream of job insecurity plus no benefits.